Candied Onions, Pickles, and Sex Ed?
by Aly the Spy
Summary: A collection of drabbles. Various pairings.
1. Pickles and Not So True Love

A/N: Okay, so this is a collection of incredibly STUPID and WAY OOC fics I wrote during the past school year. Basicly, my friends wrote a list of very random topics in my Winnie the Pooh notebook, and I wrote a fic in the House, Scrubs or Grey's Anatomy fandom. These are the House ones. If you like these, or if you don't, check out the others in the Scrubs and Grey's 'dom.

Also, just to warn you, so of these may make no sense whatsoever. They were written for my friends originally, so they have some inside jokes.

* * *

Pickles

"Why are there pickles in my fridge?" House yelled from the kitchen.

"Um, I put them there?" Wilson responded from his seat on the couch, puzzled.

House removed the jar of pickles from the fridge, unscrewed the lid and picked up his cane.

Seconds later, Wilson was treated to a very sour shower.

"House, what the hell!" Wilson exclaimed, wiping pickle juice from his eyes with his already damp sleeve.

House had already returned to the kitchen, giving only the reply of "I don't like pickles!"

* * *

Not So True Love

"Allison," Cameron looked up from her paperwork, surprised that House had called her by her first name.

"Uh, Greg?" she asked, removing her glasses and tilting her head slightly to the side.

He shifted his cane in his hand. "Allison, I think I like you."

Cameron gaped, trying to take in his suddenly school boy-like attitude. "You- what? I mean- What are you-"

House reached down and took her hand, looking her in the eye. "Would you like to go for dinner?"

"Uh, um, okay," she stammered. Cameron stood, still a bit shocked, and House handed her jacket to her.


	2. Sex Ed and Toasted Almonds

Disclaimer: They aren't mine! Don't sue me!

Sex Ed.

House stood in a classroom full of twelve- and thirteen-year old kids.

_Cameron is so dead,_ he thought, limping from the door to the wooden podium at the front of the room.

He sat the folder Wilson had prepared him and pulled out the first paper-clipped stack. Looking at the group of nervous kids, he pointed to a boy in the front.

"You. Pass these out," the boy took the papers and passed them out to his peers. Some of the girls, seeing what was on the handout, giggled.

"Today, we are starting with the male reproductive system. Who wants to demonstrate?"

* * *

Toasted Almonds

"I bet you five bucks that I can get this almond down Cuddy's shirt from up here."

Wilson looked over the rail, and, spotting Cuddy, laughed. "Deal. She's halfway across the lobby. You'll never make it."

House took aim and tossed the nut carefully.

Cuddy looked up. Seeing House on the balcony, she glared at him, then went off to remove the nut from her blouse.

Wilson rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet. Stuffing the five into his pocket, HOuse pulled out another almond.

"Bet you ten I can get this one in Cameron's shirt."


	3. Candied Onions and Tacos

Candied Onions

Cameron paid for her lunch and went to sit by Chase, who brought his lunch from home. As she sat down, Chase opened a small clear container and started to eat.

"What's that?" Cameron asked, not recognizing the dish.

"Candied onions. Want some?" Chase waved the container in front of her face.

Cameron wrinkled her nose. "Yuk. No, those things stink! Where'd you get them?"

Chase pulled the container away, slightly offended. "They're next to the vegemite in the grocery store."

Just then, House walked up. Sniffing the air, he said, "Told you Brits are weird."

_A/N: Thanks to my dad for knowing about vegemite. Apparently there's a song about it._

* * *

Tacos

Cameron andó a la sala de conference. "¿Qúien hablamos en español?" ella preguntó.

"¡Porque!" yo respondé.

"Hola, Chase. ¿Qué pasa?"

Chase no hablo español.

"Um…" Chase divagé, "¿tacos?"

Cameron se reío de el. "¡No hable español!"

"Yo se."

"What?" Chase estuba confundido.

House andó a la sala. "¿Hablamos en español?"

"¡Si!" Cameron y yo respondamos.

* * *

_A/N: That took forever to type. You have no idea. Stupid accents and tildes. Oh, also, this was bash Chase chapter. And, of course, remember the three R's: Read, Review, Repeat!_


	4. High Scool and Jailed

High School

Allison breathed in the wonderful smell of alcohol on Dan's breath. She felt the familiar rush of adrenaline as she took another drink from the bottle.

She moved closer to Dan on the backseat of his friend's red Mustang, pressing her lips to his. She didn't notice the swerving of the vehicle. Her world was already spinning anyway.

In an instant, Allison was thrown from the car as it slammed itself against a large tree.

Panicking, she stood quickly, searching for her boyfriend. Seeing him, she started to shake him, trying in vain to wake him up. Before long, she was lost in a sea of tears and sirens.

Cameron woke in a sweat from the nightmare. It still haunted her, after so many years. After that, high school had been hell.

* * *

Jailed

One call. Cameron tried Chase's number, but he didn't pick up. Considering her other options, she decided not to even try Foreman. He'd just laugh. Wilson was out of town. A lot of good that would do.

Finally coming to the awful truth, she sighed, then picked up the phone again. Dialing the familiar number, she prayed that he would pick up.

"Hello?" a disoriented House asked, who had obviously just woken up.

"Um, House, it's Cameron."

"I thought I told you not to call me unless someone died or was in jail," House grumbled.

"Well, the thing is…"

* * *

Review, review, review! Please! 


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